I am in a bit of a melancholy mood today and can't seem to shake it. It started out by waking up to a pain day, after going to bed from a pain day yesterday. Then going into the studio and turning on my computer to find that it died again last night. Did I not learn my lessons the last time? Why have I not backed up my files for over a month? All my plans, schedules, photos, notes, etc. Gone.
Most of all though, is this nagging feeling that has been following me around for awhile now. What am I trying to accomplish here? Why am I doing what I am doing? Does what I do have any feeling behind it at all? Does it really say anything?
I pick up one of the pieces I have been working on but put it right back down again. What am I trying to do with this? I hang it on the board to look at it. I go to the next and don't even bother to pick it up. Everything seems stale right now, and none of it says anything to me. Some days I wonder if I am even an artist, or just a fake.
7 comments on "Introspection"
  1. i think everyone goes through this at times...for me, it's always when it's been grey and dismal for several days running. but it will pass. and you are making art.


  2. ...me, too. The same kind of thoughts. I guess we all have the problem to see our own magic work in all stages of coming into being, whereas other people see the result all at once. This is why we sometimes think that it is no art. But the sense of art is in itself. Even if I don't sell a thing, I should tell myself that there are people who like it. And even if they weren't there, I would still be able to judge my own work.
    We should not stop working towards expressing ourselves. Sometimes nobody cares. Before there was a blog, I just worked for myself and usually there were less than ten people who saw it. Apart from my commissioned work, I sold ONE painting. In my first life as an artist.
    Now there is Etsy, so I had a few more sales; but it did not happen until I started blogging that strangers saw it and said "hey, that's great!"
    There are people who support you and who are interested in what you do, maybe they don't react every day, but then again all on one day. Sometimes it is even better not to show what you are working on.
    That's art.

  3. Diane, you are feeling things so similar to a friend of mine. I believe these are all normal questions but I don't think that makes it easier to bear.

    Per chance, a post today on another blog caught my attention and I promptly sent it to my friend. The content seemed to fit so well with all the questions she had been having. So I hope you won't mind if I give you the link, too? It may not strike any chord with you, but if it does, then that would be well worth it.


    Take good care of yourself. You are not alone in your feelings.

  4. Julie~ Thank you, and you are right...it is cold and grey here and my bones ache, never a good time :)

    Eva~ As always the voice of wisdom, thank you for the food for thought

    Sweetpea~ I adore her work don't you? Havent read this post yet and thank you for the link, it definitely hit home.

    I spent the evening stitching and it helped as it always does. I still question myself but I am so what I do that I can not stop that doing!

  5. I've been in this kind of dark hole more than once. Questioning what EXACTLY I think I'm doing...wasting time...fooling myself...who knows!

    You've had a turbulent time this year too...what with the move to Grenoble...then to Alsace....then hubby getting sick...plus your own health problems...

    Be still for a bit maybe...and be gentle with yourself.

    This will be a fleeting visit of the doubt-demons...

    ...then the fairies will fight back and your watercolour dreams will resume :-)

    x Chris

  6. Thank you so much Chris for your inspiring words. You are right, it has been a rough year and I do need to be still for awhile. I long to just sit and stitch, every day. I get up and that's my instant desire, but I feel mired down with all the needs of my shops, everyone says its holiday season, get it done now...and I just want peace and time to create.

  7. ='(
    This is where I have been too long!