I have been going through lots of changes this last year. I got married. Moved to a new country. Closed my business of ten years. Am without my children. It has been quite an experience and at times I feel very lonely for it all. I am happy though and still trying to find myself.
My artistic self is waking up again. She has been asleep for so long. Before I was so busy all the time. OR sick. I think back to all those years in my shop surrounded by everything I needed to create. I had shelves to the ceiling with tins filled with buttons, lace, beads, findings and anything else you could imagine. Piles of fabric of every sort shape and size. Boxes of scraps of silks and satins, taffetas and velvets and all those in between. Brushes, paints, pencils, canvases, easels, pastels, etc etc etc. Did I create? very little. There was always someone who needed me. There was so much to do. It carried with it a special feeling, it felt good to be so needed and satisfying to help so many people but in doing and being that person I lost a part of myself. In fact I lost a big part of myself. I have never really been happy unless I was creating.
Now I am here. IN France. I have much time on my hands and a very loving caring husband. I have found myself waking up. I am creating again. The more I create the more alivve I feel and the more ideas run into my head. I cant keep up with their demands. My biggest problem these days, which I find so ironic, is my severe lack of supplies. I have no tins of buttons and lace, no stacks of fabrics, no paints or brushes, AND since I married a hard working student, no stack of money to buy them with. I cant tell you how many times I have thought of something that was sitting on one of those shelves and wish I had it with me right now. I did two smart things when I came here though. I packed all of my gallery glass paints and my complete collection of DMC threads and kreiniks including the mill hill seed beads and findings. I was so thankful in the early months that I had SOMETHING to create with. Since then I have slowly bought a few other things. Some trims and material and finally a pack of paint brushes.
YOu know what though? I think that the lack of all of it in some way is sparking my drive even more. Maybe so much stuff was suffocating me? Maybe I thrive on the difficult. As in "What can I do with what I have here?" I dont know for sure what the answer is but I do know one thing...whatever it is, I dont want it to stop!
This is a window I recently painted. It completes my three part series. I hate it but my husband loves it, so I will keep it there bringing color into our little living room. After all we learn from it all correct?

4 comments on "Metamorphis"
  1. I think it is so true about not having too much stuff. I have so much in the way of recycled wool right now, I'm sort of stumped. I have to just go to one stack and pretend it is all I have.

  2. Why do you Hate! it? =p